Mustering the courage to say “NO” to your colleagues

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Are you always saying “YES” towards a person and you feel that it if you disagree with them, they might just give you ugly statements behind your back? Or are you forcing yourself to accept their sides because you do not want to be seen as peculiar or strange from others?

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There are some certain scenarios that makes a person feel the urge to say yes even though he/she think that it is wrong. For example, it can be personal reasons like childhood traumas, negative influence from peers, and many more. But the only emotion that envelops an individual to say Yes to everything is fear. This emotion is worse than a virus because it creates painful marks on their preys, and when a person is trigger by his/her fear, they will have difficulties to escape from it. Sometimes, if the person is too kind-hearted, they immediately nod their heads whenever someone is asking for help. Some people use an emotional approach to convince a person that will work on their favor.

You must learn how to choose in both sides. Our Creator gives us the will to decide what is best for us. Be clear with your intentions right from the start and analyze the scenario completely. If someone approach you and asks for your help, tell them first what kind of assistance do they need and be honest if you can do it or not. There is no turning back once you fully agreed to a certain task. If you can do it, then give a smile towards him/her and tell them that you will give a helping hand to them. But if the workload is within your reach, then kindly say no. Tell them that there might be some people who can do the tasks properly rather than you. 

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Do not take so many obligations in which you also doubt yourself if you can do it or not. It is not really bad to accept favors one at a time because it can also build a good connection to the people around you especially if you are a new employee and wants to construct healthy relationships to anyone, then volunteering yourself to help them is a wise choice too but do not forget that you have also have limitations. You cannot offer your service to a person or co-worker if his/her projects are more heavier than your work loads. Chances are, the person will get mad if you do not meet his/her expectations and it might ruin your chances too in forming friendships. 

According to an article from PsychCentral namely, “How and When to Say No”. there are kind words to say if you want to decline somebody’s request. For example, it can be , “unfortunately, I’ll need to pass on this”, or a simple apology will do. ( In this way, even though are denying a person’s request, still expressing your thoughts with warm gestures can give a lighter mood in the atmosphere and also for the person itself. That way, it will not turn awkward to the both of you because he/she can sense your sincerity. Refrain yourself on giving them a rude look when you want to ignore their requests because body languages are powerful enough to give a message if you are interested or not to assist someone. 

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According to an article namely, “How to Detect Respect – or Disrespect: Body Language Quick Takes #7, facial gestures are heavily seen as compelling too because when you show a downturn of your mouth it will be easily pointed out as a sign of disrespect. 

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There are also some practices that you can do to speak the words, “No” and “I cannot do it”, in a nice approach so that people will not perceive you in a negative way. As stated in the article,6 Effective Tips to Politely Say No (that actually work!)”, these will serve as your guide on how to execute a proper courtesy even though you are going to deny a favor:

1. Rehearse the words No.

If you are the type of person who is tired of granting everybody’s wishes, then you better grab a mirror and repeatedly says the word “No.” Close your eyes and imagine a scenario when a fellow co-worker asks for your help again wherein you are exhausted enough after completing your tasks for the day, then briefly says no towards that person. But if your co-worker is persistent and continues to force you to help him/her, then leave already without offering an explanation. You are not being rude, its just that you need to look stern and serious so that the person will get the message easily if words are not enough to stop them from what they are doing. And now gently open your eyes and utter your first “no” dozens of times and practice your facial gestures as well so that you will look firm and serious.

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2. Offer an alternative.

Like what I said before, if the tasks that a person is giving you is heavier than you expected, kindly says that you are not up for it but suggest someone who you think is best suited for this job. In this way, people will see you as a reliable source of information because you know everyone inside the office and their capabilities as well. Of course, tell your co-worker too to ask the person that you recommend if he/she is also willing to do the job. In this way, all of you have reach a compromise and who knows? It might be a good idea to introduce someone with other people as well which will make your workplace filled with string and beautiful relationships with one another.

( The article“6 Effective Tips to Politely Say No (that actually work!)”, sure knows how to deliver the right words in saying no, if you want to find out more details about it, just click this link :

Moreover, saying no is extremely difficult in the beginning. The thought of rejecting someone can also give butterflies in the stomach especially if you share all of your empathy towards a person. Wherein you put yourself in their shoes and envision what will be their reaction if you turned them down. Eventually, you also feel guilty afterwards so turning down their help seems to be complicated to do. However, the word, “no” exists. Because if you are not confident or comfortable to carry out a decision, there will always be an option for No. You have the freedom to agree or disagree on some things but always engrave in your mind to be polite.


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